Someone Elsewood

Names are unimportant.

Physical Description

General Physical Condition

Someone is very fit, agile, and energetic.

Identifying Characteristics

Someone Elsewood is a young, slim, presumed British man who stands approximately six feet, two inches (or about 1.8 meters) tall. His skin is a pale ivory and his hair is silky, raven black in medium length slicked back with a few strands that occasionally fall around his face. His toned body is typically outfitted in a tailored black suit and his signature dark green tie. He often also wears a black double-breasted coat with tails. His face is clean-shaven, slim, and charming.
  He can be seen with a mischievous smirk or a bored, annoyed countenance. The main alluring feature on his face is his deep malachite eyes that are so dark that, at times, they could pass for black--this usually happens when he is angry or very determined. His arched eyebrows and thin lips, when fixed the right way, inform all who gaze upon him that he is a force to be reckoned with. At times, one may catch him fidgeting around with his long fingers or shuffling his shiny double-strapped black monk-strap shoes when he is waiting or becoming impatient. His laugh can be cute, crazed, maniacal, unsettling, or some combination of it all. His teeth are straight and white, and his infectious grin can make a person smile back even if they are upset at him. His personality wavers from seriously strict to absolutely reckless. Unpredictability is one of the only consistent traits he has.

Special abilities

All of them.
-Someone Elsewood

Apparel & Accessories

Someone is a snazzy but eccentric dresser. He often wears sleek black suit with victorian-style coattails and shiny black monkstrap shoes. Other times, he wears a traditional suit, a double-breasted suit, or even a tuxedo. No matter the outfit, as long as the shirt has buttons and a collar, he never forgoes his signature green tie.



Mental characteristics

Personal history

The past is the past. It's all burned to ash. Unimportant.  
-Someone Elsewood
  Someone does not reveal much about himself to anyone. His true identity is unknown. He only goes by the name "Someone". Often, he adds pseudo-surname "Elsewood".   There are no records of him found in any country's government database. His fingerprints and DNA are both unregistered.

Education

I don't know, but he's smarter than everybody I've ever met!  
  Despite the fact that Someone has no academic records, he possesses an incredibly impresssive IQ score. He also has the ability to bring to memory almost everything he has ever read; often down to the chapter, article, and page number. In addition to these things, his expansive vocabulary includes not just English words, but also words in several different languages. He can hold comprehensive conversations with native speakers with convincing dialect and accent. His overall intelligence is superior, although he often behaves in a strange manner and faces problems with unconventional tactics. Many think him crazy, but his solutions usually prove useful in the end.

Accomplishments & Achievements

Everything.
-Someone Elsewood
Since being a part of the W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. agency, he has passed every test and accomplished every mission he has been assigned to.

Failures & Embarrassments

What are those?
-Someone Elsewood
  Though he has technically never failed a mission, some Higher-Ups are afraid that his erratic behavior will soon incur dire consequences on the company and therefore work to have him terminated.

Mental Trauma

......it's unimportant.
-Someone Elsewood
  Many speculate that Someone avoids having personal conversations about his past because it may include traumatic experiences. This has not been confirmed.

Morality & Philosophy

Someone is a very unpredictable person, but he seems always to work on the side of "good". He can sometimes be heard quoting scriptures.



Personality Characteristics

Motivation

Someone is a completely random character. He openly admits his carefree attitude and does as he pleases. He is somewhat egotistical yet does not place much value in what others think of him. He also claims that he does not become emotionally attached to anyone. He seemingly gains satisfaction in successfully completing his assigned duties, yet his behavior can sometimes be seen as foolish, leading some to believe he has a deathwish.  
I don't give a care about anyone or anything...not even myself.  
-Someone Elsewood

Likes & Dislikes

Someone likes to act crazy and be himself which often annoys people, something he seems to get a kick out of. He mostly dislikes people who try to pry into his personal life. He likes to work alone and completely dislikes the idea of a partner. When forced to work with another agent, he refers to them as his "OBLIGATORY ASSOCIATE".

Personality Quirks

This guy is crazy.  
-Constance Harbor, partner OBLIGATORY ASSOCIATE
  His suave persona as a raven can quickly be forgotten once he unleashes his crazy (and most times annoying) carefree side. Even when working with another agent, he often reverts to solo-mode as if his help is actually just an additional obstacle.



Social

Social Aptitude

Many people like him, like him and don't know why they like him, or absolutely hate him. Someone doesn't seem to care either way and treats everyone the same regardless of how they view him, making quips at, voicing annoyance towards, and refusing to work with even those who profess their adoration.

Hobbies & Pets

Someone seems to be highly opposed to any interaction involving pets; especially dogs. This leads many to believe he dislikes canines.

Speech

Someone normally speaks in a British accent which leads many to believe that he is a native of England.

Wealth & Financial state

Someone is believed to have come from a wealthy family, although there are other speculations that he was a poor orphan. Nevertheless, he is extremely wealthy now as an Elite Espionage W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. agent; one of the highest paid positions at the organization.
   
Commander McCox Gives Newbies the Rundown:   Someone Elsewood. Yep. That’s his name… Well, probably not, but that’s what everybody calls him. He never tells anybody his real name because he’s basically crazy. You have GOT to meet him, though. He is crazy as heck but he is the best agent on the force. The absolute best. Hands down. You might want to talk to him… won’t guarantee you’ll gain anything from the conversation because he is crazy, but it’s worth a shot to at least say hi. He’s crazy though, so be warned. He has some very unconventional approaches to his missions, and he refuses to work with a partner, but he always gets the job done-- even if he only narrowly escapes with his life. Did I tell you that he’s crazy? I mentioned he was crazy, right?
 
Current Status
Acting crazy
Species
Age
"Unimportant"
Date of Birth
"Unimportant"
Circumstances of Birth
"Unimportant"
Birthplace
London? [unconfirmed]
Children
Gender
male
Eyes
deep malachite green, almost black
Hair
medium length, slick, black
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
fair (white)
Height
6'2"
Weight
140 lbs
Quotes & Catchphrases
It's unimportant.
-Someone Elsewood
[...not sure if that's a catchphrase, but I guess it counts because he says it a lot]  
Catchphrases are unimportant.
-Someone Elsewood
[...thanks for clarifying...?]
Owned Vehicles
Aligned Organization
Known Languages
"All of them?"   [unconfirmed but most likely]
Agent Number: 337165

 
Still curious about this mysterious man with malachite eyes? Visit the membership tiers page to become an official W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P. agent and gain even more secret intel...

 
A brave hero, who hides a secret past.
 

Comments

Author's Notes

Voiced in most audiodramas by Jon McNally.
Most visual models provided by Aleksandar T. (QuasarArt) and further edited by Ossandra White (me).


Please Login in order to comment!
Aug 1, 2021 17:51 by A

How can you not like Someone who is named Someone? And has the confidence of a lion, and tells you how unimportant you and everything is? He seems like a good guy on a mission. Must say though, very well written! This feels like a personal act/file in a file cabinet when read.

Worldkeymaster, also known as A of Worldkeymaster.
You are welcome to explore Nimenra, a world in conflict between Humans and Demons.
My summer camp articles and half-finished pledge document: Summer Camp 2022
Aug 1, 2021 18:06 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol thank you!!!!! I appreciate you reading and I'm glad you like the character. He's the MC of my current novel <3

Aug 11, 2021 00:47 by Cassandra Sojourn

I love how this tells me absolutely nothing. I know that he might quote scripture. But that can also just be him acting crazy and throwing people off about him. Someone just happens to know everything while revealing nothing.

Choose your poison:   Phasmatum: An Afro-Solar-Fantasy world created for my epic novels.
Adazuri: A shonen-inspired magitech fantasy world home-brewed for 5e.
Aug 11, 2021 02:46 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

And that's just his intent lol. Thanks for reading and I'm glad you were thoroughly entertained! <3

Aug 13, 2022 12:39 by ADBL

You are right!!! Someone is a SUPER interesting character!! Thank you for directing me here, the writing was well done as well as humorous!

--ADBL tale tamer, lore crafter, and tea brewer extraordinaire.
Aug 13, 2022 20:21 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol thanks for taking the time to read. I'm glad you enjoyed! <3

Jan 18, 2024 05:12

I once wrote a joke academic paper that tried to cite an article by Some, Juan R Other - but Someone Elsewood is a real life (sic) example of how to do that right!


"Wherever you go, there you are" - Buckaroo Banzai   "Do or do not, there is no try" - Yoda   "No plan survives contact with reality intact" - Me
Jan 23, 2024 19:11 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

Some, Juan R. Other is nice! lol glad you enjoyed this article.

Feb 2, 2024 14:21 by Absinthe

Did you meet my brother irl and give him a diet?

Feb 2, 2024 21:24 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol XD thanks for reading! Your brother sounds intriguing...

Feb 2, 2024 20:31

That was a fun article! Really enjoyed the quote in the failure and embarrassment section!

Hope you have a fantastic day!
Feb 2, 2024 21:24 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol I'm glad you liked it! I appreciate you taking the time to read.

Aug 23, 2024 21:17 by Shalyn

I love this! I like it so much that I told my brother about it. He really laughed about the Obligatory Associates. Very interesting!

Aug 25, 2024 10:51 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol honored you liked it enough to share! and I'm glad you all got a kick out of it. ;D <3

Powered by World Anvil