An Intern for Christmas

Commander McCox Gives Newbies the Rundown:   Stewart Princely is quite the character. He is OBSESSED with Elsewood for whatever reason... Kinda like I was obsessed with this band back in my highschool days. I collected their posters, knew each of their middle names, exact height, shoe size... everything. Too bad they broke up. They were the best. I don't even remember their names now. It was so long ago... Well, I do remember, but if I tell you, I'll be dating myself so I might as well be quiet. Not that I'm old or anything. I'm not too old. Depending on how old you are, I could probably be your dad but NOT your grandfather. You get me? Unless you are maybe fourteen? Like Stewart.   Oh. Wait... we were talking about Stewart, weren't we?   That kid annoys the mess out of Elsewood. I wouldn't admit it in front of him, but I think deserves this. He acts up a fool all the time. He's crazy as heck. I told you he was crazy, right?? I feel a bit sorry for sticking Constance with him, but I kinda like Elsewood, and I could tell Constance would do him some good. So will Stewart, I bet. Having an annoying little kid around for the holidays might be just what he needs. Plus, if anyone can handle it, it's him.   ...not to mention, if I didn't get that kid out of the office, he would have been talking my ear off, going on tangents about memes and such...   You know something funny? I heard people say I go on random tangents. Please! I don't go on tangents. You know that, right? That's ridiculous to think. Ridiculous like this frozen pizza I got the other day. You know it had the nerve to have pickles, peanut butter, pepperoni, pinapples, peppers, and popcorn?! On the pizza. Already. In the box frozen. At least pop the popcorn separately. I mean, come on, man. The popcorn... Once you bake it, will it really still be popcorn? It's gonna get all soggy and... hey!? Where are you going?!