Human Species in Secret Agent Someone | World Anvil

Human

Dearest Concerned Intern,   We are replying to your letter to inform you that the reason you noticed documentation that said "W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P.'s main employee type is the human species" was because it is true. They are considered the main employee type due to the fact that there are also several animals occupying agency positions who should be considered for technical reasons. In addition, there are some automated processes in use in several departments, though this is not to be confused with any sort of android of any kind. Think automatic doors "employed" instead of doormen, etc. We would also like to advise that there are neither future beings or space aliens known of or present here at our organization and we encourage against the spreading of baseless lies. Attached are several operative profiles, all of which are most certainly human beings no matter how questionable the claim. We invite you to investigate them each very thoroghly for your own satisfaction, so long as it does not hinder the accomplishment of your current duties and tasks.   We appreciate you reaching out about this matter but, kindly, do not bring up the issue again.  
Thank you,
 
   
Someone Elsewood
Character | Feb 10, 2024

...Names are Unimportant...

 
Constance Harbor
Character | May 7, 2024
 
Bruce Machete
Character | Jan 27, 2023
 
Commander McCox
Character | Jan 27, 2023
 
Stewart Princely
Character | May 27, 2024
 
Commander McCox gives newbies the rundown...   Ah. Yes. Good ol' Human beings. I don't know how much more there is to know in general about human beings such as you and I...or, maybe you aren't one. Sorry for assuming.   Heh heh. Like you're a space alien or something? Or an android? Or...some kind of shapeshifting magic thingamadoodle from the movies? Yeah right. Those things don't really exist. So, I know you can't be one. There are none of those working here or being held in any containment facilities at W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P., neither can the organization confirm or deny their presence in the known world. To be honest, they would probably run out of RAM all the time anways and forget what they were talking about. Not very helpful to the org. Hee hee. So hilarious!   Now, I can tell you there are a lot of Enhanced here at the agency. Like, I know you know they had some of those in sci-fi back in the day, so that's nothing new. Genetic alterations, robotic addendums, mental expansions--even the more tame kind that normal humans have access to with prosthetics and such, you know? But, yeah. I don't know why you want to know so much about humans like you aren't one or something, but I'll give you a little bit on them--US--I guess.   Basically, humans can be fun, they can be nice, they can be happy...but they can also be rude, obnoxious and annoying. They can also be crazy and mischievous. Just take a look around at all the humans here at W.I.L.L.O.W.I.S.P.. Remember: They're all humans. Got it?   Listen. I don't even know everything about humans, okay? And it's not because I'm not a human. Of course, I'm a human. I just don't need to know every little particular detail about every species.   Anyways, what were we talking about again?

Comments

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Jul 15, 2023 01:52 by Scott Stokes

Funny, I think anyone born in New York is an alien. Being from LA, I have to believe that or the world might end. LoL! Well done.

Happiness is "the exercise of vital powers, along lines of excellence, in a life affording them scope,"
Jul 15, 2023 03:36 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol thanks and glad you enjoyed!

Jul 15, 2023 02:09

So much suspiciously specific denial! Kinda makes me wonder about the Intern as well, though >_>...

Jul 15, 2023 03:36 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol! (you are the intern, so you'll have to decide that part XP)

Jul 18, 2023 02:53 by Eric

This is a delightful use of a summer camp prompt, by the way.

Jul 18, 2023 02:59 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

lol thanks so much! the article was much more generic, only a couple of sentences long before now. glad you enjoyed!

Aug 10, 2023 20:54

I wasn't thinking aliens, but maybe AIs and, now that you mention them, also androids and people from the future. The advise against spreading baseless rumors has me thinking though.

Aug 15, 2023 18:06 by Kenneth Bignell

Ha! "thingamadoodle"! Great word! Yes, all humans here... I am certain of it.. sort of... Nicely done and fun!

Aug 15, 2023 22:01 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

thanks for reading! I'm glad you liked the article. :D

Aug 23, 2023 22:41

The self-reflective nature both textually and metatextually was a rather neat concept. The vignette written in the sidebar was also quite funny to read.

Check out my homebrew worlds: The New Frontier: Legacy of the Cataclysm and Getninia
Aug 26, 2023 16:10 by LexiCon (WordiGirl)

aww thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. <3

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